Dear zen friend
1)  It is spring. A week ago daffodils started coming out. I thought they would have bloomed last Sunday. I was wrong.Not a single flower appears yet. 
Temperature will go down below zero for the latter half of this week. They may bloom next week.I cannot wait. 

2)  Corona Pandemic began last March here. It has changed social and individual life style. I did not imagine the sudden prosperity of mask industry. The change of my life style was difficult access to a doctor and having longer time of thinking. 
There are too many entertainments these days. We do not have enough quiet time. Since social distancing has been advocated,  I have had more quiet time than usual. 
I used to look for the core of myself, that is true self. The question who I am remained all the time in my young and middle ages.  I was not alone. All philosophy, religion, and psychology call true self into question.  Enthusiasm to look for the true self does not easily end. 
Buddhism as well as science handles nano seconds. Nano seconds resembles momentary impermanence. I learned Christianity has  had the same argument for centuries. 

I could not find the core self nor the true self but faced a matter of impermanence. Any self, core or true is impermanent moment by moment. This is why the self could not be grasped. How could I were exceptional? 
Walking on the snowy road one day this winter, inspiration came across: Isn’t true self a whole life? People live for 50 years, 70 years, and for some over 100 years. Isn’t each whole life true self? 
We live out a life of John Smith. When died, people speak about John Smith, a whole life of John Smith. These concepts and feelings have been common understandings. In Buddhism this is called continuum impermanence. Life is continuum, death is impermanence. 
There are two impermanences. 
The difficult access to a doctor has pushed me to take care of my body and mind by myself. Consequently and surprisingly  I found a way to become healthy. The situation reminded me of the principle of self help. That is a common understanding all the time for all. .   
Regards.

Eishin Ikeda

Valley Zendo